I miss Him

I woke up this morning, got dressed for church as usual. As I walked to my car, I thought about how church was going to be, the praise team that will be on and the person who will minister. As I taught about this, I felt this heavy burden on my heart (something has been missing). I felt that I just go to church because it was Sunday and it was what I was used to. I got to my car and I had to hurry to pick up a friend so I won’t be late.

Got to church, praise and worship was on. I love the song I heard when I walked in. With excitement in me I started singing along. After a few more songs the worship leader stopped and asked us to really focus on God and give him a really worship. He said it was easily to become complacent because the songs are familiar or are ones we sing all the time. He encouraged everyone to focus on worshiping not just with our lips but with out hearts as well.

As he was saying this I was nodding in support. I love praise and worship. It is the easiest way to get into the presence of God. However, lately I have struggled to get there. Something was still missing. I generally try not to let things bother me, so I did not focus on it too much.

Announcements and offering is all done and my pastor’s son (Joel) comes up to give the sermon. He said he had a message already planned but for the past week, he had this serious nudge to share the message He is about to share. He started by saying the message comes from a personal struggle he has been going through. He said this year has been the most challenging year in his life. Not because God has not answered His prayers and granted His needs but mainly because He has been finding it pretty challenging connecting with God as he use to. (God truly loves me more than I can even phantom!). The same challenge I have been going through is what he was going to talk about.

When I heard those words my eyes got clouded with tears, because that was exactly how I had been feeling. God’s seems so far away – yet so near. I miss the awesome presence of God. I miss Him and it truly hurts because I know He misses me too. I miss Him not because of anything I want, but just that father and daughter bond.

Joel continued his sermon and he related this struggle to that of a married couple who could not wait to be married when they were dating. Now after marriage, they rarely talk to each other. He said at this point, you have two options. 1. To come to a conclusion that you married the wrong person 2. To rediscover your spouse. (Of course he encouraged option 2). Same thing goes with our relationship with God.

I actually got to a point where all my devotionals became redundant ( now I have a couple of them because I did not want to get bored using just one devotional, I preferred mixing them up everyday) The ones I receive daily in my inbox, piled up and I ended up deleting them. I can’t even find my Joyce Meyer devotional. Even when I read those devotionals, I read through them as if they were news paper. I pray yet my mind is not focused on God, just thinking of one thing other. What is going on??

I had the much needed wake up call today; I need to start a journey of rediscovering God for me again because I miss feeling His presence.  The funny thing is He has always been there because He said he will never leave me nor forsake me.  But I just put him in one corner  and not the center.  It is time to make conscious effort to ensure that He is not just no. 1 on my lips but in all I am and all I do.

Help me Lord- Amen