Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Song of the week

So anointed! Glad she won (Sunday's best)

My Daily Prayer

In Psalm 81:10b, God instructs me, "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." He will give me what to say today. What to say in happy moments. What to say in aggravating moments. What to say in moments where I feel insecure and what to say when I feel completely confident. What to say in disappointing moments. What to say in response to questions

Remind me that sometimes it is good to keep my mouth closed and say nothing at all.

All the words that rumble about in my brain and those that will proceed out of my mouth, Lord, You be the author of those.

Psalm 84:1 reminds me that God's dwelling place is lovely. So, God I ask You to dwell in me richly. I want You to be what radiates about me. I want You to be my pretty today.

Not my hair. Not my outfit. Not my efforts. But simply You and Your spirit dancing invisibly about me... shifting a wrong attitude, guarding my words, and whispering constant truths into my heart.

Psalm 86:11 is what I ask the Lord to give me. "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart..."

Lord, may nothing separate me from You today. Teach me how to choose only Your way today so each step will lead me closer to You. Help me walk by the truth and not my feelings.

Help me to keep my heart pure and undivided. Protect me from my own careless thoughts, words and actions. And keep me from being distracted by MY wants, MY desires, MY thoughts on how things should be.

Help me to embrace what comes my way as an opportunity...rather than a personal inconvenience.

And finally, help me to rest in the truth of Psalm 86:13a, "Great is your love toward me."

You already see all the many ways I will surely fall short and mess up. But right now, I consciously tuck Your whisper of absolute love for me into the deepest part of my heart. I recognize Your love for me is not based on my performance. You love me warts and all.

I love you lord

What Should I do???

Sometimes I find myself in a place where I need to choose or decide between two very good options. Now these decisions do not have to do with anything being ungodly. It is not a decision whether to tell the truth or lie, neither is it about loving or hating. It is nothing evil.

There are life decisions we are faced with everyday such as should what type of industry should I work in? What schools should my kids attend? What car should I buy? What city should I move to? These questions have two equally good options. I have heard a number of times that after the decision to surrender you life to God, choosing you life partner is a very crucial decision that if missed, could mare you for life. In situations like this a girl or guy may be faced with deciding between two guys or girls respectively. These are the kind of decisions I’m talking about.

Now there are the basic things we have to ensure that we consider before making any decision such as ---- is the decision I'm making in line with God's words, does it glorify Him? What’s the motive behind these decisions? Now you could answer all these questions and yes the two options you are faced with, either of them have equal opportunity of providing what you want and you will not be disobeying God by doing either of them.

SO NOW WHAT???? How do I decide what course to read in the university- when both of them will land me in a good paying job? How do I decide what city to move to? - When either Calgary or Toronto look like very good options. Also I have two girls or guys (depending on who is reading) to choose from- they both seem to meet my basic requirements-- so what next?

I'm scared to do anything that is out of God's will for me. Now all the above needs mentioned are all good things we aspire to get. The bible even says that we will not lack any good thing... (There you go.. a bible verse to back up your prayers) However, the bible does not specifically say Calgary over Toronto or engineering over law or does it mention that Samantha will make a better wife than Ruth.

So how do we go about making all these tough decisions we are faced everyday?? How do you do it? How do you ensure that you are making the right decision- that is according to God's will for your life as well?

There are people God clearly speaks to even today as He did back in the day. You and I will know that those were unique experiences- even in the bible. God only spoke clearly to few people in the manner he spoke to Abraham and other prophets. Other heard from Him in various ways (please share yours- someone might just be waiting to verify if God is speaking)

You have prayed, you have fasted, you have listened yet-- God has not called your name yet to clearly state what course you should read or who you should marry (and all the other decisions you may have to make). So what next?

I personally think it all comes down to our individuality. One man’s meat is another man's poison. God has created us uniquely, with very unique life plans. In a situation like this it is time for us to be truthful with ourselves. One thing I have come to learn is that we do not just find it easy to lie to other people most times but it is super easy for us to lie to ourselves.

Now what do I mean- you’re trying to decide between Engineering or Medicine- you clearly have serious hatred and dislike for mathematics yet you want to force yourself into engineering... (You are so on your own) Biology might not be your best friend but other course. Buying a Benz or a Toyota-- your bank account and circumstances surrounding you has the answer to this- yet it is a benz you want ( you really can’t afford it). Samantha is Godly, Ruth is Godly however in other basic things like cleanliness, family values and expectation- Samantha is on another spectrum from you ( yet her beauty ...hmmm :D) Ruth has similar principles like you do ( not as beautiful as Sam). She is too quiet for you and overly critical. Which do you choose? I'm sure you get my drift. There are numerous scenarios out there that make it difficult for one to make the decision.

Given the above scenarios and many more we face every day, all you can really ask God for is WISDOM to make the right choice because sometimes even when God helps us decide, we find it hard to obey or we start asking if it is really God speaking.. If we do not personally decide to go a particular direction God will not force us. (Tho sometimes he does- which is when it hurts) but most times he lets us learn our lessons on our own (true story: D).

WISDOM IS THE PRINCIPAL THING- wisdom to be able to see things the way God sees it. Wisdom to understand who we are - our strengths and weaknesses. Wisdom to truly understand what we want out of life. The things we can tolerate and those we can’t. Wisdom to know when to quit and when to persevere and many more.

WISDOM IS THE PRINCIPAL THING--- lets go for it and let’s ask for it every day and every step of the way.

Please share your decision making process- for some tough decisions you have had to make and lets all learn from each other

Love always

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Fathers' Day

To many this day carries all wonderful memories, to others a mixture of challenging and wonderful days and to others father's day is pure bitterness.

We never choose the dad we have but God gave them to us. Some obeyed God's words and treated us as very valuable gifts. Some just missed it either because of ignorance or negligence.

However, whatever the case might be for you today, remember that you have a father who supercedes all earthly fathers.

When I recieved my last tuition for my university studies- I had tears of Joy! You might think thats not worth tearing up for... but it did, just cos I realised all the sacrifice he made to pay all my tuition and sustain me here.

While I was thinking about all these, I realised it was God who loved me first and that broke me evenmore. He is the father to all.. to those who have fathers and even the fatherless.  Even when our earthly father's can meet our needs He always sents some one to feel the void and meet those needs.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The unspoken words!! - *tears*

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother".

Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people’s habit; slowly you will get use to it". Mother stopped saying anything.

But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.

During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes... I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.

Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted

To turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work.. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, His face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?

Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her... I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if.... In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart. One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me.. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.

He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now."

He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet... This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his.... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer.

Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion ... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey.

To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most...." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby.... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...." Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."...... ...

This is a true story.

"From an email a friend forwarded "


I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience..... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge..

People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is the key.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Me > You

I grew up having to be very competitive. Even after being the top of my class, I would wonder if I would still be the best if all those who came top of the class in my grade across the country were all put together to write a test with me? To some extent that approach worked but not so much as I got older.

Years went by and I realized that comparing me to others was taking the better part of me. I was rarely satisfied with my accomplishments. Anything but the best was not acceptable. I was almost on the extreme of being a perfectionist. This played into other areas of my life but the one most affected was school because I always knew I was all to blame. Except for the physics class where I clearly had the worse physics teacher ever (I will forgive him).

As life went on, I realized that I cannot be the jack of all trades. When you become as old as I am, (wide smile) you realize that there are so many areas in life you want to succeed in. You want to be the best in your relationship with God, school, relationships, wear the best clothing’s, live in the best house, the finest or hottest bf, gf, wife or hubby, drive the best car, eat the best food, have the best kids, look the best (physically fit) and I can go on and on about all the wants that are out there.

Now there is nothing wrong in aspiring for the best things in life. God wants us to have the best anyway. I believe the only problem is when our motive for getting those things is to be better than another person in one area or so. Also, God has created us all uniquely with our various level of grace and what is best for the other person might not really be best for us. When we start comparing ourselves to others, we tend to become very ungrateful. Creflo Dollar once said that comparing yourself to others is belittling what God had to do to get you to where you are in life.

That is sooooooo true because, when I was doing my undergrad I would clearly have my own expectations for a particular class I was taking. This expected result would be determined when I see the content of my class work and how easy it is for me. Now let’s say I pray to God that I should not finish the class with anything less than an 80%. By this time I would have received my test and can do a rough estimate of what I need to get on my exams to get atleast 80%. Now the exams comes around and God in his infinite mercies helps me to achieve let’s say an 82% in the class. I would be so happy and thankful to God about that grade until I realize that someone else got 83% or above!

Now the complains starts! God Why? Why was I not highest? Do they have two heads? Now I have switch from being content to not content, from thankfulness to complaining. If you were a father or mother to a child like me what would you do? I saw this attitude creeping into the other areas of my life and I was beginning to become somewhat easily depressed and frustrated! I was becoming easily stressed out! And if there is one thing I dislike so much it is any form or size of STRESS. So now I had to do something about it.

I had to personally define success to myself and I also had to make to conscious effort to ensure that everything I did was for my personal happiness and not to look better than any other person or to be like anyone. In doing this I realized that I was more thankful and content with everything God has blessed me with. It did not matter what the other person had, I was content with what I had and happy for me. If they are blessed with  something I wanted or want, their getting it is an assurance to me that mine will come in due time. So I rejoice with them.

I discussed my new way of looking at life to someone and they said I would become complacent and less ambitious! Now that is a far cry from who I am. I still have the most awesome dreams of how I would love my life to be, my home, my kids, my career and so on! But the only difference now is

• All these things would be achieved at God’s timing and while I’m waiting for them to come through, I am as happy as can be ( and I meant it)

• It does not really matter what anyone has or has achieved, I know I have a unique destiny

• I don’t put myself under any unnecessary pressure to prove anything to anyone- I’m just happy being “Ms Nightingale”.

• I am a more thankful to God for everything He does for me

The truth is my life really changed when my perspective of life in this aspect changed. The simple thing that happened was that I embraced everything that makes me “Ms Nightingale”. I realized that on earth I walk a unique part where no one else has walked or would walk. And things will happen for me in its own unique timing and manner.

Friday, June 11, 2010

60 Guest- Family Incuded!

A few years ago I looked at people who were getting married and I called them "aunty and uncle". That marriage thing looked miles away but the story is closer home now. What is your definition of a perfect wedding ceremony? What would it take to make you satisfied and fully happy on that day? Who do you want to see on that day and who should not be there? These and many more questions are what couples ask themselves. From what I have heard.. Those answers are not always all the same! Compromise begins in full force :D
Therefore, it is not a surprise that most people dream and fantasize about this BIG day. It is once in a life time (at least I know that is how God intended it to be). The colors, cake, venue, music, food, attire, dress, flowers etc... I can go on and one.

Wedding is an amazing and beautiful event if you all agree with me. However it is a one day event or a week for some cultures. Now you have to decide how significant this one day is going to be in relation to the rest of your life. Most things used and worn at weddings are only for that day.. esp. the dresses.. Very few brides ever wear their dress again... yet so much is spent on them.

Asides from all the basic things needed for a wedding... your guest are the next important item on the list. You want to make sure they have a goodtime at your wedding. Now satisfying your spouse  is a lot of work... not to talk of satisfying a crowd of ppl, most of them you don’t even know.

A typical Nigerian wedding would have at least 40 %( this is an estimate) or more guest that the bride and groom do not know! Dad invites his friends, Mum invites hers, aunties and uncles do same, your siblings and even your friends invite their friends and before you know it... your guest list gets out of hands.
This can be very overwhelming to the couples about to be wedded. Cos the last thing anyone wants is to start their married life in debt. Research shows that financial stress is the # 1 cause of divorces and this is definitely not how anyone would want to start their married life.
The cost of living has really gone up over the years. And so is the cost of having a classy wedding. So I personally feel it is time a change takes place in wedding in Nigeria ( this days it is basically any Nigerian wedding anywhere- just that if it is outside Nigeria, there is a bit more control of the crowd) It is important that we CUT OUR COAT THE SIZE OF THE MATERIAL WE HAVE! If your material can only make Mini skirt... sweety... you will have to manage that! If it can make a fish tail skirt... ride on! The more the merrier!

No. of guests poses a real issue because from choosing the hall to be used to the souvenirs you need to be sure how many guest you are expecting. I have heard and seen people frustrated over this matter and I feel we have all the power to control it and enjoy our special day.

Couples should make a budget and stick to it. I think we should no longer be afraid of deciding the no. of guest we want at our wedding. Hire a bouncer at the door! A neutral person and pay them to do their job. Tell all invited guest to RSVP and inform them that they should come to the venue with their invitations.

Now, if there is enough money for everyone and extra.. by all mean throw one of the biggest party ever know. The problem is not you but those who want to be better than X or Y. We put ourselves in tight corners when we try to outdo ppl instead of living within our means.
So what does an ideal wedding look like for me?????
The ideal wedding would be a wedding of only 60Guest- family included (my friends crack up when I say this: D). Just cos I get overwhelmed by a crowd of ppl I know... not to talk of that of those I may not know at all. Also I think weddings are expensive and it is best to keep it small and classy. Furthermore... it is a one day thing and I believe it should be share with people close to the couples... not just anyone who hears there is a wedding taking place and had a dress or new pair of shoes they have been waiting for an event to wear them to. Also instead of spending thousands of dollars a wedding ceremony, I would rather my hubby and I tour the world (I’m not selfish), start saving for our kids and other future financial obligations we may have.
In conclusion, big weddings or small wedding... the bottom-line for me is waking up the on our honeymoon and seeing my love as happy as ever cos He has me and I have him too... 4 LIFE :)
What do you think is a small wedding really possible? How about a get away to a destination only few ppl can get to...lol…